… But these are all true and fer reals…
1. Newspapers will be triumphantly resurrected as the Nation’s cold climate populace realizes junk mail is just too glossy to start fires.
2.The Yankees will win the World Series, sending Boston fans back to their bitter, worthless lives, thus returning the Earth to its proper axis.
3. Bubbles. Millions of them. We won’t know where or when.
4. Dr. Phil will physically merge with Oprah Winfrey, to become a giant bi-polar hermaphrodite with Southern charm and propensity to spend cash on everything seen on, or near a celebrity. “Dr. Phoprah” becomes the Democratic nominee in 2012.
5. Somebody will piss me off. I won’t know where or when.
6. Spring will follow Winter, with Summer following Spring, giving way to Fall and then onto a total erasure of the World’s population, due to a cancer cure gone wrong and Will Smith’s incompetence.
7. Sean Crepso will reveal his true identity as the guy on “Psyche”.
8. I will lose 40 pounds - You here me, guy-I-never-met-before-but-felt-he-needed-to-point-out-my-weight-problem-on-New-Year’s Eve? Yeah, you. I’m lookin’ at you. Jerk.
9. Freejack.
10. I will be spotted at Gritty McDuff’s in Portland, Maine.
